I am trying this out!

I am still home, I have some ironing pants hemming and packing left. But I just wanted to say hello to those already there and try this blogger thing out.

That's all at the moment, martha

new years eve eve

I just have to have a new post, the other is too old.

I came from dinner after choir practice. We are preparing to go sing at the National Cathedral next month, and we need some tuning up. This weekend we will practice in the chapel at Sewanee to get the feel of a cathedral space, even though it is smaller, I suppose the acoustics are similar in a way. Anyhow, We are going to stay at the cabin of a friend and it should be a fun time.

I hadn't been invited anywhere for new years eaither, and Kim came across with a supper invite, bless her. But I need to stop all this feasting and lose some weight.

Skeezix hasn't peed todya and this is a problem for him because he is prone to getting bladder infections. But at the moment he is chasing Trixie around, so perhaps that is a good indication that he is feeling okay. Maybe the vet will be there tomorrow and I can run him by. I would hate for him to be sick and have to wait until next week, or go to the emergency place. I just don't want to pay them. I could take him to Banfield's on the saturday if I had to. Or have Mary do it.

Anyhow, xmas was nice, and with its usual stresses. Everyone liked the stuff they got for the most part. I just realized tonight that I didn't get much, but I am glad they didn't spend too much like they did last year. I did want a phone and a ladder, neither of which I got. So I guess I will have to take care of getting those myself. And we had a nice to do with my family. And now it is all over yay. a little goes a long way.

I also don't feel great these past few days. I am having a lot of coughing too. Maybe tonight I will take some of the syrup that knocks me out. I have also decided to stop taking the advair. It costs too much and I really don't think it does anything for me. and so I can stop the singulair too. That saves me 350-400 dollars per month. I noticed symptoms when I ran out of Zyrtec though, so perhaps that is working. I just don't like the sensitivity of my mouth tissue using the advair. If it really made a difference, I would continue, but I just tdon't think it is.

okay, well at least I wrote something. I have been wanting to yet having trouble getting started so now perhaps I wont be such a slacker. No pix tonight though, as my hands are numb.

oh, ho, the mistletoe

Another Friday night, home because I want to be but sort of bored or slightly melancholy, holiday blues or something. It isn't a lack of company, it is a lack of get up and go. I have a zillion things I want to do, and I just sit and think of them all. I want to do them all.

Tomorrow night is my company's party. I feel it is important for me to go, but I really don't want to. It is just another opportunity for me to feel big, awkward and out of place. Perhaps that is my problem, I am feeling big and awkward. I don't feel like I belong. I don't want this feeling. But it has to do with my size and precarious position with my job. Maybe that is what this is about, maybe I am fearful I will get depressed and fat and have no job for a while. Maybe I am helping it to come true. But having to look for a job is just an event that sets an idea in ones mind that you are not valued or wanted. And it spreads, insidious negative thoughts.

I am waiting for my bonus so I can get the shopping done. I don't have any ideas this year for the kids. I have something for all the friends except D. I just don't know what I could get the man who has everything. Sometimes I am able to be creative enough to find him an interesting book, but this year I just have no idea.

I had a second and unrelated dream about a neat area of town, when you come upon it, it seems as though you are in an old neighborhood, another era-- lots of brick and stonework, cozy row houses and winding streets, one street was Kent. It was located on a ridge above town, and it isn't easy to get to it or out of it. It was so real, it makes me want to see a map. In the first dream, which was several months ago, I found myself in this exclusive neighborhood on foot. I wasn't sure how I got there or how I was going to get out again. It was a bit like Narnia, you turn a familiar corner and there you are. Previously, I was shopping and choir friends were in bits of it. This last time, my ex husband was in it. Who knows where these things come from. But I would love it to be a real place. And I would like to live there.

Last Sunday I cancelled going to Sewanee for Lessons and Carols. Tonight I was supposed to go see Hansel and Gretel with Joe, but I begged off. I have been too tired to do anything but come home and nap. I think it is depression too. But I can't let that get me.

Cousin Lucy is doing alright, She had a painful anniversary Wednesday, the first year after the tragedy with her father and family. I called Thursday, I sort of wimped out on her.

I found patterns to make some of the little cardboard christmas villages of yesteryear. They are called putz. I think I might try my hand, as they are not too hard, and I have wanted some so badly. There is a website that has the patterns and instructions. He has done whole villages. I want the whole thing. Kim has a tree full of these little houses. It is adorable. I don't think we had any when I was growing up, but I do remember them, and we had some glittery houses that hung as ornaments. I just love them all. They are so nostaglic!

2 December 2009

Well, the concert countdown begins. We do two this weekend, then all the xmas stuff. I have decided that I don't enjoy so much of it because I am distressed about being over extended. And so I shall learn to say no. I have already said, only one Christmas Eve service. I think I will pass on a trip to Sewanee for Lessons and Carols this Sunday, and try to get excited about our own which is later in the month. I have a party on the 12th, company, and were it not for my precarious job position at the mo', I think I would blow that off as well, but I think it would be prudent for me to be seen at any and all such functions.

And so I am looking forward to the holdays being over rather than beginning. This just doesn't seem right to me somehow.

I also spent all my excess money lately on car repairs and house repairs and so I have to be very careful in general, not to mention xmas presents.

So, off I go to a choir rehersal tonight, followed by a rehearsal tomorrow and friday night for the chorus concert Saturday. Two concerts I should say. I ought not miss church Sunday, but I am very tempted.

I am learning new things at work, and this has really strung me out. I am not opposed, but it is keeping up with due dates and requests for recommitment and making sure nothing is late. I think I can track the info my way, but the girl teaching me does't think like I do so we are having a time of the lessons. I know she thinks I am an idiot, and I thing she is a bitch, when in reality, we just have different ways of approachng it. But I do need to try to get it, becasue currently I am unable to respond to simple questions like what is the percentage of releases for this week? It has been hard for me to get my arms around this, I am not sure why. Anyway it is stress filled, every day, and I have no sick leave, or vacation, and I can't escape it ayway. And next week they are going to expand it from drawings only to drawings and documents.

whew! I didn't realize just how wound up I was.

The Edmund Fitgerald 10 Nov 1972

Gordon Lightfoot
The legend lives on from the Chippewa on down
Of the big lake they call Gitche Gumee
The lake, it is said, never gives up her dead
When the skies of November turn gloomy.

With a load of iron ore - 26,000 tons more
Than the Edmund Fitzgerald weighed empty
That good ship and true was a bone to be chewed
When the gales of November came early

The ship was the pride of the American side
Coming back from some mill in Wisconson
As the big freighters go it was bigger than most
With a crew and the Captain well seasoned.

Concluding some terms with a couple of steel firms
When they left fully loaded for Cleveland
And later that night when the ships bell rang
Could it be the North Wind they'd been feeling.

The wind in the wires made a tattletale sound
And a wave broke over the railing
And every man knew, as the Captain did, too,
T'was the witch of November come stealing.

The dawn came late and the breakfast had to wait
When the gales of November came slashing
When afternoon came it was freezing rain
In the face of a hurricane West Wind

When supper time came the old cook came on deck
Saying fellows it's too rough to feed ya
At 7PM a main hatchway caved in
He said fellas it's been good to know ya.

The Captain wired in he had water coming in
And the good ship and crew was in peril
And later that night when his lights went out of sight
Came the wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald.

Does anyone know where the love of God goes
When the words turn the minutes to hours
The searchers all say they'd have made Whitefish Bay
If they'd fifteen more miles behind her.

They might have split up or they might have capsized
They may have broke deep and took water
And all that remains is the faces and the names
Of the wives and the sons and the daughters.

Lake Huron rolls, Superior sings
In the ruins of her ice water mansion
Old Michigan steams like a young man's dreams,
The islands and bays are for sportsmen.

And farther below Lake Ontario
Takes in what Lake Erie can send her
And the iron boats go as the mariners all know
With the gales of November remembered.

In a musty old hall in Detroit they prayed
In the Maritime Sailors' Cathedral
The church bell chimed, 'til it rang 29 times
For each man on the Edmund Fitzgerald.

The legend lives on from the Chippewa on down
Of the big lake they call Gitche Gumee
Superior, they say, never gives up her dead
When the gales of November come early.


© 1976 Moose Music, Inc.

What a cool song. I liked that one and also the Yarmouth Castle. Who else ever remembers these disasters besides the families of lost loved ones.

It has been a hard day, I am feeling very much unwanted by the organization. I know its a passing feeling, and that I will find something, it was just real evident today that my managers (who determined who was to stay or go) didn't think my tasks were very important. I do think they are important, perhaps in a different organization, but still. Hard not to be down when you know what you do doesn't really matter. sigh*

I really need to take a look at my expenditures etc., to see how I will manage having no income. It just seems so distasteful though. I don't like thinking about it.

I felt like I should blog, as it has been a month, but I don't really feel like talking so I will go now and return in a day or so when I don't feel so glum.

Autumn is flying by

I think this year has sped by incredibly fast. I barely remember how it was as a kid waiting for Halloween to come. It is this week, and I am not prepared at all. Well, it isn't as though I am going anywhere, in fact, it will be the first time I am actually home for the tricker treaters. I need to get some treats.


My heat and air has been replaced and I am excited about that. Now I just need to get the house cleaned up. I also need some other things done like digging some drains for the foundation vents so water stays out of my nice clean crawlspace. Also, the new door they put on needs paint, and the mud needs tending to as well. One of the installers said he is avaialbe for handyman hire, and I think I will try him out. I felt comfortable with him being in and around my house, and he was nice to my kitties. He also replaced the too small p[ipe to my gas logs and now I can have them work too. No charge, he said he saw it was the wrong type and size of pipe and so he fixed it.

It is too soon to say if I have improved since the mold has been removed. I still have been coughing up crud, but I think I feel a return of energy and I don't feel as spent and lack lustre as I had been. I have an appointment with the pulmonologist Thursday, so we shall see. I did contract thrush from the inhaler. This is not a fun thing to have. I got some nasty stuff to swish and swallow, but it didn't get rid of it totally. For babies, they give some purple stuff to paint inside the mouth. I think that would be preferable to swishing and swallowing that vile nystatin.

There has been another layoff at work, I can safely expect that I am included, although I haven't been given any official notice. But I understand there is to be a 60 day notice, so that puts me through Christmas. This is good, as my company gives a bonus in December, and I would like to be there to get it, especially if I am soon to be unemployed.

I went to meet my cousin and her children two weekends ago. It was fun. I took my girls too, and it was the first meeting ever of cousins and second cousins (or whatever the relationship is). We are attempting to end the 50 year avoidance of the families to mingle. It wasn't intentional, but it happened. In this circumstance, I started playing in ancestry.com and began a new hobby, perhaps. I have been totally obsessed with linking my relatives and I am even dreaming of linkage, as I once dreamt back in the beginning of the internet and the abiity to click backwards and wherever it takes you. Funny how it affects me with dreams of linkage.

farewell to the mold

They are replacing my heating and cooling system today. I am home, wishing to be artsy and creative. I look at other people's blogs to try to absorb some of their passion and genius. But mostly I think I lack courage to try.

Words are my forte, however I am not a talented writer either. But I like certain words, phrases, placenames, and I like images. So maybe I will figure out how to do something with those things I like.

half-moon bay is one that presented itself this morning. I love the sound of it. I wish I could convey what I feel when I hear it, what I see in my mind's eye. I will look for an image, but even better, I would love to be able to paint an image.

Casta Diva

Yes, it is Susanna Phillips day in town and there is a concert and a dinner and everything. I will be participating in the concert, but I have decided to forego the dinner.

I had a good interview last week, but it seems the manager and his superiors were not of the same opinion when it came to what talent the candidate should have. I fear I do not have the proper talents and so I have waited all week to hear nothing. I did get a note last night saying everyone had been away on travel. So maybe. But it is a big maybe.

I have been having estimates done on the ductwork, which I have now decided to expand to the whole system. And I picked someone. The weather is not behaving, though, and I guess I will have to wait a week.

Next Friday Daughter 2 and I will go to Tyson's Corner VA to meet our long lost cousin. Hopefully Daughter 1 will also be there and it will be nice to have a break from the mundane and have some time with my girls.

I have to go to a rehearsal now, and so I will return later.

on the eve of an interview

Just a note to say I have an 8:30 interview and lovely hair. I do need to remember all the questions I want to ask and all that.

I also applied for a loan to get all the vent and mold stuff done. I haven't yet heard back from them. I hope they approve me, or at least give me a charge card. Something. Otherwise, I don't know how I can get it done.

Anyway, I huried home from the salon in order to get to choir and none of my best friends were there. So I am irritated. I think also I may not go be a servant at the lake this weekend. I am just not in the mood to go anywhere. I want to mow my grass.

I'm a moldy, moldy man, I'm moldy through and through.

Today I am having my air vents cleaned. They likely have never been cleaned before and so I expect some improvement with my breathing. And some changes to my bank account as well, in the negative.

Whilst the serviceman is doing that, I thought it provided me with a good opportunity to post and catch up on all that has transpired over the past week or so, since last I wrote.

Peggy has come and gone, and I enjoyed her visit for the most part. I like having her here, but I did miss having my house to myself. And my time. But she is always welcome, and we had some crafting expeditions, and she and daughter2 made baklava one night which was interesting and fun. My friend jeffj loved her, said she reminded him of another one of his friends called Brenda.

My other girlfriend, Sbeen I shall call her, and Peggy do not particuarly like one another and so it is also a juggle because of that. D has been otherwise involved lately and so having a guest did not impact plans with him.

I have some concerns about the health of my crawlspace. I really haven't got the funds required to do much, and I hate to use loan money when my future is so unclear. But I have to take care of my investment (house) as well as seeing to my own health which has certainly suffered lately. After the vents get cleaned, I will need to have the mold removed and some vents replaced. But I think I will be able to breathe better for the interim. I just pray I find new employment before I am out of a job.

Well, mold it is, and the guy can't clean my return because it is insulated on the inside. He is figuring up replacement costs, etc, I need to get this fixed, as it is unhealthy and detrimental to my home. I also have a possum or something under there. Time for Cook's to come do their thing. That is why the kitties have been so strange near the vent in the bathroom. Well, at least I know that if I improve the air, it will improve my health. So that is some good news.

I feel weepy now, I think because I really haven't got the wherewithall to afford these major repairs. I think I am going to go cry for a bit. I will return later with the news of how much money this will cost. UPDATE: It will cost about 4000 to fix. I also need some mold removal done, so I need to get an estimate on that too. sigh*

The Moldy Moldy Man

I'm a moldy moldy man
I'm moldy thru and thru
I'm a moldy moldy man
You would not think it true
I'm moldy til my eyeballs
I'm moldy til my toe
I will not dance I shyballs
I'm such a humble Joe.

--- John Lennon

the leaves of brown came tumbling down,

remember? that September in the rain.

Well, I have been negligent, but busy. I first will state that I didn't get the dream travel job, and I am dissppointed becasue I never even got the second interview. But there will be other jobs, and perhaps this one was a bit more than I would really like, travel-wise.

My friend Peggy is visiting from florida. I think she will be leaving sometime this next week, but she got here a week ago and that is a nice long visit.

Work is still busy. Skeezix the cat has still been sick, just like e, can't seem to get along without being ill. He has been put on prescription food, but at least he seems to like it. And I ordered him a water fountain so he will drink lots of water.

Lots of musical things happening, for me just singing back up for Susanna Phillips whilst she sings something from casta diva. I would rather be watching than singing, but jeffj signed me up so I am stuck.

In a few minutes Peggy and my daughter will return from an art show, then we will go to the craft show at the civic center. I know it will be lame, but some years they have some good ones. Not for several years, though.

Then D is supposed to come over to visit or have supper or something. Likely no one will be hungry at that time. I just had a couple or corndogs. I think the other girls are having something at the art show.

I guessw that is all. I thought I had a lot to say until I got here. Perhaps tomorrow will be more of a chit chat day.

Labor day weekend

I am enjoying a three day weekend, beginning yesterday with spending the whole day meandering with Sabine. We had a nice time, thrifting, eating visiting. We even went to the library. Today I have mowed some of the yard. It began to rain so I stopped, but I think the rest of the yard doesn't really even need it. So I likely won't finish.

I got a few of the anti-dust mite weapons yesterday, such as an air purifier, masks and a pillow cover. It is dreadful and hot. I think I need to think of other plans, as those anti-allergen fabrics do not breathe, and I must. I didn't sleep well with the purifier on. it was quite loud and I was aware of it and wasn't properly sleeping. So I turned it off around 3 and got a few hours of rest. But not enough, for I am already sleepy again.

I want to sew and do crafty things today. I love doing them, but I have such a problem getting started on them. I bought a pattern yesterday for a black dress to wear in October, maybe October of 2020, ha ha. But there is scrapbooking and painting and all sorts fo things I am wanting to do. I also want to clean up and get my sun room in order. Maybe I need to make a short list.

Last week, I had a phone interview, with an airconditioning manufacturing place, about 40 miles north of here. It wasn't paying enough, but it sure would be great to have a non government job. They took my hours again last week, then gave them back. I wonder what's in store for next week.

Also, I got called by a local subcontractor to work as the pubs person for the chief on an army command. This job would be a dream -- travel, power, influence, very scary. I had a visit with a girl who was doing some of the presentations etc., to see if I could do them. Then I was supposed to see the boss of the company, and then the army person. But she couldn't meet with me, so those two interviews were postponed until later. They didn't say when. But I imagine it will be like that, short notices, last miunute changes in plan. I am not sure I could do that, but it sounds quite exciting. And it occurs to me that I have eliminated excitement from my life in the past few years, probably in an effort to manage the financial part of things, and the previous chaos in my life. There really is nothing stopping me from having such an exciting life, and it would be nice to be an active senior citizen instead of an old woman.

I also had an interview with another small woman-owned company for the head of publications. It was going to involve lots of proposal work, but it wounded okay. I thought she liked me, but I haven't been contacted again yet. I am not sure how long things take. So maybe I shouldn't worry too soon.

Well, I think I will try to get busy with something productive, be it housework or crafting. Or maybe even a nap.