new years eve eve

I just have to have a new post, the other is too old.

I came from dinner after choir practice. We are preparing to go sing at the National Cathedral next month, and we need some tuning up. This weekend we will practice in the chapel at Sewanee to get the feel of a cathedral space, even though it is smaller, I suppose the acoustics are similar in a way. Anyhow, We are going to stay at the cabin of a friend and it should be a fun time.

I hadn't been invited anywhere for new years eaither, and Kim came across with a supper invite, bless her. But I need to stop all this feasting and lose some weight.

Skeezix hasn't peed todya and this is a problem for him because he is prone to getting bladder infections. But at the moment he is chasing Trixie around, so perhaps that is a good indication that he is feeling okay. Maybe the vet will be there tomorrow and I can run him by. I would hate for him to be sick and have to wait until next week, or go to the emergency place. I just don't want to pay them. I could take him to Banfield's on the saturday if I had to. Or have Mary do it.

Anyhow, xmas was nice, and with its usual stresses. Everyone liked the stuff they got for the most part. I just realized tonight that I didn't get much, but I am glad they didn't spend too much like they did last year. I did want a phone and a ladder, neither of which I got. So I guess I will have to take care of getting those myself. And we had a nice to do with my family. And now it is all over yay. a little goes a long way.

I also don't feel great these past few days. I am having a lot of coughing too. Maybe tonight I will take some of the syrup that knocks me out. I have also decided to stop taking the advair. It costs too much and I really don't think it does anything for me. and so I can stop the singulair too. That saves me 350-400 dollars per month. I noticed symptoms when I ran out of Zyrtec though, so perhaps that is working. I just don't like the sensitivity of my mouth tissue using the advair. If it really made a difference, I would continue, but I just tdon't think it is.

okay, well at least I wrote something. I have been wanting to yet having trouble getting started so now perhaps I wont be such a slacker. No pix tonight though, as my hands are numb.

oh, ho, the mistletoe

Another Friday night, home because I want to be but sort of bored or slightly melancholy, holiday blues or something. It isn't a lack of company, it is a lack of get up and go. I have a zillion things I want to do, and I just sit and think of them all. I want to do them all.

Tomorrow night is my company's party. I feel it is important for me to go, but I really don't want to. It is just another opportunity for me to feel big, awkward and out of place. Perhaps that is my problem, I am feeling big and awkward. I don't feel like I belong. I don't want this feeling. But it has to do with my size and precarious position with my job. Maybe that is what this is about, maybe I am fearful I will get depressed and fat and have no job for a while. Maybe I am helping it to come true. But having to look for a job is just an event that sets an idea in ones mind that you are not valued or wanted. And it spreads, insidious negative thoughts.

I am waiting for my bonus so I can get the shopping done. I don't have any ideas this year for the kids. I have something for all the friends except D. I just don't know what I could get the man who has everything. Sometimes I am able to be creative enough to find him an interesting book, but this year I just have no idea.

I had a second and unrelated dream about a neat area of town, when you come upon it, it seems as though you are in an old neighborhood, another era-- lots of brick and stonework, cozy row houses and winding streets, one street was Kent. It was located on a ridge above town, and it isn't easy to get to it or out of it. It was so real, it makes me want to see a map. In the first dream, which was several months ago, I found myself in this exclusive neighborhood on foot. I wasn't sure how I got there or how I was going to get out again. It was a bit like Narnia, you turn a familiar corner and there you are. Previously, I was shopping and choir friends were in bits of it. This last time, my ex husband was in it. Who knows where these things come from. But I would love it to be a real place. And I would like to live there.

Last Sunday I cancelled going to Sewanee for Lessons and Carols. Tonight I was supposed to go see Hansel and Gretel with Joe, but I begged off. I have been too tired to do anything but come home and nap. I think it is depression too. But I can't let that get me.

Cousin Lucy is doing alright, She had a painful anniversary Wednesday, the first year after the tragedy with her father and family. I called Thursday, I sort of wimped out on her.

I found patterns to make some of the little cardboard christmas villages of yesteryear. They are called putz. I think I might try my hand, as they are not too hard, and I have wanted some so badly. There is a website that has the patterns and instructions. He has done whole villages. I want the whole thing. Kim has a tree full of these little houses. It is adorable. I don't think we had any when I was growing up, but I do remember them, and we had some glittery houses that hung as ornaments. I just love them all. They are so nostaglic!

2 December 2009

Well, the concert countdown begins. We do two this weekend, then all the xmas stuff. I have decided that I don't enjoy so much of it because I am distressed about being over extended. And so I shall learn to say no. I have already said, only one Christmas Eve service. I think I will pass on a trip to Sewanee for Lessons and Carols this Sunday, and try to get excited about our own which is later in the month. I have a party on the 12th, company, and were it not for my precarious job position at the mo', I think I would blow that off as well, but I think it would be prudent for me to be seen at any and all such functions.

And so I am looking forward to the holdays being over rather than beginning. This just doesn't seem right to me somehow.

I also spent all my excess money lately on car repairs and house repairs and so I have to be very careful in general, not to mention xmas presents.

So, off I go to a choir rehersal tonight, followed by a rehearsal tomorrow and friday night for the chorus concert Saturday. Two concerts I should say. I ought not miss church Sunday, but I am very tempted.

I am learning new things at work, and this has really strung me out. I am not opposed, but it is keeping up with due dates and requests for recommitment and making sure nothing is late. I think I can track the info my way, but the girl teaching me does't think like I do so we are having a time of the lessons. I know she thinks I am an idiot, and I thing she is a bitch, when in reality, we just have different ways of approachng it. But I do need to try to get it, becasue currently I am unable to respond to simple questions like what is the percentage of releases for this week? It has been hard for me to get my arms around this, I am not sure why. Anyway it is stress filled, every day, and I have no sick leave, or vacation, and I can't escape it ayway. And next week they are going to expand it from drawings only to drawings and documents.

whew! I didn't realize just how wound up I was.